There were two dominant sounds in the dark Melville theatre: Eminem鈥檚 yelps-disguised-as-rap and my cackling laughter.
I couldn鈥檛 stop myself. As the credits rolled and Eminem strung together rhymes about wearing an alien suit, I was overcome with a severe case of the giggles. I let out a harsh laugh that threatened to overpower the booming rap beat. Much like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear, I filled the theatre with my obnoxious guffaws.
When I watch a movie, I try to be respectful. When I was 17, a friend and I were scolded by a stern father for talking during the oh-so-riveting dialogue of Cowboys and Aliens (remember that dud?). That lecture stuck with me. When I鈥檓 in a theatre, I keep my chatter to a minimum. People paid their hard-earned money for a ticket; who am I to ruin their experience?
But during this particular flick, I couldn鈥檛 help myself. I chuckled, snickered, and chortled through the entire runtime. I sat there with slackjaw amazement, my eyes refusing to believe what they were seeing.
What film could make me such an annoying movie patron? Venom (even writing the name makes me giggle).
Venom is garbage. Hideous, unsightly, glorious, beautiful garbage. It鈥檚 the type of film that, had it come out 10 years ago, would have killed the burgeoning superhero movie genre. It鈥檚 an ugly film populated with stupid characters, sickening CGI, and stilted dialogue. It鈥檚 the worst superhero movie since Suicide Squad. I love it.
Back in college, I had a roommate who extolled the virtues of bad movies. He told me he鈥檇 rather watch a jaw-droppingly bad film than a genuinely good one. I couldn鈥檛 wrap my mind around such a philosophy.
To be sure, I鈥檝e enjoyed plenty of 鈥渟o-bad-they鈥檙e-good鈥� movies in my time. I鈥檝e busted my guts laughing at Batman and Robin, The Room, and Bratz: The Movie. But none of them compared to films of actual quality. I鈥檇 watch Gone Girl over Taken 3 any day of the week. I thought my friend was off his rocker.
But as the years have gone by, I鈥檝e come to appreciate his stance. There is something...special about a truly awful film. It reaches a level of transcendence good films can鈥檛 touch. Terrible films show us the grasping overambition of humanity matched with utter incompetence. Horrible movies give us a chance to laugh at our own hubris.
Venom is one such bad film. It鈥檚 a 10-car pileup of bad decisions, bad casting, and just plain badness. Tom Hardy, a talented actor, delivers a mumbly, jittering performance that looks like an audition tape for a Freakazoid adaptation. Entire scenes and subplots seem to be ripped from the final film without any care for how they impact the story. The climatic final battle mimics the look of two bowls of spaghetti smashing into each other.
I don鈥檛 want to spoil the rest; Venom has to be seen to be believed. It鈥檚 the type of awful film that puts a smile on your face. It鈥檚 horridness reignited my hope for cinema. If something like Venom can go so wrong, it鈥檚 truly a miracle so many other films don鈥檛 follow its path. Venom is the feel-good movie of the year. Bless you, you ugly ball of sub-2004 CGI. Bless you.
