The classified section doesn’t have a category for child labour but at times this household could use the services of a worker at least eight years old and no older than 12.
We wouldn’t be offering full-time employment, nor would there be benefits other than perhaps a home-baked cookie or a glass of soda pop. There’s no holiday pay, no pension plan, no sick days and not a single chance for advancement.
However, there would be eternal gratitude from the occupants of this house, and there’s a chance for word-of-mouth opportunities from friends and neighbours who might have dilemmas similar to ours.
The workers would have to be available for all hours of the day, seven days a week to ensure that when we run into a problem we older folks can’t solve there will be someone ready to give us a hand.
So what are the dilemmas that would cause us to be politically incorrect in seeking assistance from age-specific workers: pill bottles, tops on over-the-counter medicines, lids on commercial cleaners, changing the batteries when not enough room is left for large, fat fingers, re-programming the television’s remote control and figuring out why the computer sometimes does wonky things.
Most of the pill bottles in the house have been converted to adult-only but it took perseverance at the pharmacy to make that happen. For a while, before we knew the procedures and protocols, the pill bottles were admonished every time a piece of medication was required.
I would offer to assist Housemate in removing the lids but found my own abilities inadequate in most of the instances. After that, I closed my ears to the loud mutterings and thought about inviting someone’s child to spend some playtime with us opening pill bottles — with adult supervision of course.
Without the child-proof tops, I’ve noticed that some of the lids don’t fit completely firmly and if removed with too much wrist action, those tiny drugs go flying all over the floor. A small, limber person would be appropriate to help less supple adults retrieve the spilled contents. Those long-handled grippers are not precise enough for such small items.
Certain over-the-counter medication producers are advised to think about the abilities of the adults for whom the medicine is meant. Someone with arthritic hands and poor hand-eye co-ordination is not adept at lining up the arrow on the lid with the arrow on the bottle. Again a young person’s agile skills and 20-20 vision would come in handy, saving some adult from arthritic pain, and a resulting headache from being unable to open the bottle of headache medication.
It would be edifying to meet the person who designed the lids on bathroom cleaning products. The lids require the cleaner to align the arrows while simultaneously pressing in on the opposite side and lifting and turning to allow a free-flow of cleanser. The free-flow seldom happens without much grumbling and questioning of the manufacturer’s emotional health.
Again, one or two children would be the ideal solution and while they’re on the scene they might be able to crawl into the corners under the vanity to capture those elusive dust bunnies and items dropped and never retrieved. Is anyone interested?
Only those selected for interviews will be contacted.
Joyce Walter can be reached at [email protected]
