Have you ever been so convinced of something that it completely shaped your reality—only to realize later that you had it all wrong?
It happens to all of us. We focus so intently on a fear, a problem or a perceived slight that it consumes our thoughts. We start seeing evidence everywhere, reinforcing our belief, until we’re convinced that our version of events is the absolute truth.
But what if we’re only seeing part of the picture?
Our minds have a way of filtering information based on what we focus on. If you’re worried about a financial struggle, every bill feels heavier, every expense seems like a crisis. If you’re convinced a colleague dislikes you, you’ll interpret their every action through that lens, even if they’re just distracted or having a bad day.
This kind of tunnel vision can lead us to misjudge situations, people and even our own abilities. Worse, it can push us into decisions that are based on fear rather than reality.
I learned this lesson firsthand in a leadership role years ago. As the first female president of a provincial association, I was stepping into new territory. Over a few days at a conference, I noticed a small group of men actively working against me. They raised doubts about my leadership, spread rumours and questioned my integrity.
At first, I brushed it off. But soon, their voices were all I could hear. Every whisper felt like a personal attack. Every sideways glance seemed judgmental. In my mind, the entire room had turned against me.
By the final day of the event, I was so convinced of my unpopularity that I was ready to step down. Instead, I called for an early election, assuming I would lose. When my opponent spoke, he attacked my character. The cruelty stung, confirming my belief that I had no support.
Then the vote happened.
When my name was called, I braced for humiliation. But to my shock, almost every hand in the room went up in support of me—except for the seven men who had been campaigning against me.
I had been blind to the truth. My focus on a vocal minority had made me believe they were the majority. I had been so caught up in defending myself that I failed to see the overwhelming support that had been there all along.
What we focus on—whether it’s fear, criticism or self-doubt—expands and distorts reality. If we fixate on negativity, that’s all we’ll see. But if we take a step back and allow for a broader view, we might discover that the situation isn’t as dire as we thought.
So how do we avoid getting stuck in a narrow, fear-based mindset?
- Pause and reassess – When emotions run high, take a step back. Ask yourself: Am I seeing the complete picture, or just what I fear most?
- Look for evidence to the contrary – Challenge your assumptions. If you think someone dislikes you, look for moments when they’ve been neutral or kind. If you believe you’re failing, look at what you’ve accomplished.
- Don’t mistake volume for majority – Just because a few people are loud doesn’t mean they represent the larger group. One negative comment doesn’t erase 10 positive ones.
- Count the hands – This is the lesson I carry with me to this day. When doubts creep in, I remember that vote. I remind myself to stop fixating on the critics and take another look at the bigger picture.
The next time you find yourself consumed by a problem, a fear or a negative narrative, take a breath and widen your view. You might be surprised at what you’ve been missing.
After all, what you focus on grows—so make sure you’re focusing on the right things.
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a , with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
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