More than 385,000 babies were born in Canada last year and just 3% of those were twins. Their uniqueness is something we might like to speculate about but what is it like being a twin, and what is the experience of raising twins?
Shawn and Amanda Follick were parenting 4-year old Kalen and 2-year old Alyssa when they went for a five-month ultrasound. Since they didn鈥檛 want to know the gender of the baby she was carrying, Shawn was reluctant to look at the monitor. When he asked the technician if he was going to see something he did not want to, she responded, 鈥淯m, that depends.鈥� At that point Amanda just knew. 鈥淚 remember my eyes popping out and saying, 鈥榠t鈥檚 not two, is it?鈥欌�� When the news was confirmed Shawn said all he could think about was vehicles. 鈥淗onestly, the first thing out of my mouth was I have to look for a different truck.鈥� Amanda laughed and said, 鈥淎nd he did. I had a doctor鈥檚 appointment after that so he dropped me off and went to the dealership. My whole life flashed before me and he worried about vehicles.鈥� On January 23, 2010 identical twins Linaya and Addison were born.
Steven and Jill Lee were in different countries when Jill鈥檚 pregnancy was confirmed, but side-by-side at the 6-week mark when they were told it was twins. 鈥淚 was just shocked,鈥� Jill remarked, 鈥渁nd I asked them to tell me again.鈥� She remembers smiling nervously when they left the appointment and spending the rest of the day saying, 鈥渢here鈥檚 two of them, there鈥檚 two of them.鈥� But once the information set in they got to work getting ready. 鈥淚t was overwhelming at first,鈥� Steven said, 鈥渂ut then when we started buying and setting things up it sunk in, seeing two of everything. We waited so long and were so grateful.鈥� May 12, 2018 they became parents to fraternal twins Eleanor and Harper.
Twins can come as a surprise as they did when Grace (Fallis) Davidson and her brother Allan were born in Cupar, SK in 1922. Grace shared, 鈥淭hey had no idea it was twins. Mom asked dad, 鈥楧id I get my girl?鈥� and he said, 鈥榊es, and a boy too.鈥� They were quite shocked.鈥� Each of the babies weighed less than four pounds and the story is told that their dad kept the stove on and their little baskets sat on the door of the oven to keep them warm. Those babies thrived and it is clear from the smile on Grace鈥檚 face how special her connection was with Allan. 鈥淏eing a twin is wonderful鈥� she remarked. 鈥淎ll those years growing up you always have a friend.鈥� Indeed, they were the best of friends. At recess time students would go outside to play but Grace and Allan would often run home to play, just the two of them. 鈥淲e didn鈥檛 need other friends,鈥� Grace said. 鈥淲e were just fine, the two of us playing together.鈥� Grace feels they would have been close regardless, as they were with their older brother Ivan, but twins provided a unique connection; one that continued into adulthood. When Allan was overseas in the Second World War, Grace was in Nurse鈥檚 training in Regina. She became very sick and was hospitalized following a ruptured appendix. When she and Allan got in touch later they discovered he had been in the hospital in England at the very same time. 鈥淎lways when he was sick, I was sick.鈥� She missed Allan very much when he was overseas, so for three years she wrote to him every single day.
Amber Turton and her identical twin Ami certainly look alike, and as adults discovered they share similar style and tastes. When Amber is looking at an item while shopping, her husband Justin will tell her she better buy one for her sister too, because he knows that is exactly what she is considering. For Amber it鈥檚 just part of sharing her life with someone who has been there from the beginning. 鈥淗ow can there not be a special connection,鈥� she wondered, 鈥渨hen you鈥檙e together for the first 20 years of your lives? You don鈥檛 necessarily need anyone else because that person is always there. It鈥檚 hard to explain the connection, but it鈥檚 there.鈥� Growing up in Assiniboia, SK the girls shared a bedroom until they were 12 years old, then wanted rooms of their own, just like their younger brother and sister; and after being in the same class for kindergarten and grade 1, asked to be put in different classrooms. 鈥淭he teachers were a little reluctant I think to split us up, but they did it, and I think it was great. It helped to promote individuality,鈥� Amber explained. 鈥淚n our case I was a bit more dominant and Ami was more of a go-with-the-flow personality, and so it was probably good for both of us to become our own person.鈥� She said there were times she wanted to be a 鈥榤e鈥� and not an 鈥榰s鈥�, affirming the fact that they are two separate people with different personalities and different dreams. That knowledge has informed her parenting now that she and her husband are raising three boys. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 have twins but it reminds me how different kids are. Whatever strengths I see in each one, I am trying to nurture that.鈥�
When Shawn and Amanda brought Linaya and Addison home they now had twin infants, and two other little ones to care for in a time they describe as a blur. Just how hectic it was became apparent to Amanda when she went to the dentist. 鈥淭hey weren鈥檛 even a year yet and I thought how relaxing it was, just like being at the spa. There鈥檚 nice music. I鈥檓 relaxed in this chair and nobody needs anything from me. That鈥檚 when I knew things were bad,鈥� she said with a laugh. The hectic nature of that time was a challenge, but they wouldn鈥檛 have had it any other way. 鈥淚 remember after having them we would say if we had just a single baby it would be so boring,鈥� she explained. 鈥淔rom a very early age it was so fun seeing how they interacted with each. We would notice how they would sit on our laps and make faces and respond to each other.鈥� They certainly have watched that connection grow. 鈥淭hey have such a bond,鈥� Shawn said. 鈥淭hey do everything together and they enjoy that.鈥� They describe it as twin mode at times when the girls are oblivious to anything else. Amanda said, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 even know how to explain it. They鈥檙e just playing and don鈥檛 even realize others are around them. When they鈥檙e in twin mode they want to dress the same and do everything the same.鈥� Yet as parents they are aware of the importance of recognizing individuality so they talk about different abilities each of their children have and call it 鈥渢heir special thing.鈥�
That is something not far from Steven and Jill鈥檚 thoughts as well. One-year olds Harper and Eleanor will look and see what the other one is doing and go join in. 鈥淭hey鈥檒l even fake cry or fake cough to match the other,鈥� Steven says, 鈥渂ut they definitely have distinct personalities.鈥� He stresses how important it is not to compare them. 鈥淭hey are the same age, but they are two different people and have different things they like to do.鈥�
The joys and challenges of raising twins are ones these parents are fully embracing, even if it means extra attention from people who want to share their story. 鈥淧eople will come up to you from anywhere,鈥� Steven remarked, 鈥渏ust to tell you they are a twin or know someone who is a twin.鈥� Jill added, 鈥淎nd that鈥檚 just so fun. I love that.鈥� Since less than 6,000 sets of twins are born across the country each year it puts these families in a unique group. Shawn said, 鈥淚t鈥檚 such a blessing but it鈥檚 a lot of work. When you talk to other parents of twins they just get it.鈥�
Life transitions have an impact on twins yet clearly the ties are always there. Marriage and careers took Grace and Allan to different places but they spoke every week on the phone, and in the years after losing their spouses, those phone calls became a daily occurrence. 鈥淲e could chat away about things that nobody else was interested in,鈥� Grace remarked. 鈥淲e were never short of something to say.鈥�
In the past year both the Lee and the Follick families moved into new homes and for each set of twins that meant separate bedrooms. Steven and Jill say their girls are sleeping better now since they鈥檙e not waking each other up, and although it was a decision they went back and forth on, it鈥檚 one they are glad they made. Linaya and Addison, now 9 1/2, have their own bedrooms that are connected by a walk-thru closet, so they can share clothes but still have their own space. Their personalities emerged when decorating their rooms; Addison chose a favorite color while Linaya wanted to make hers all about Paris. A sliding door will give them privacy as they get older but for now their parents say they are often found sneaking into each other鈥檚 rooms so they can stay together.
Amber and Ami text or call everyday, so even though Ami lives in Moosomin and Amber is in Outlook they are very involved in each other鈥檚 lives, and their families have gotten accustomed to what happens when the two of them get together. 鈥淥ur spouses accepted that it鈥檚 a bit of a package deal,鈥� Amber explained. 鈥淭hey know that when we鈥檙e together we are going to do our thing, just the two of us together and the outside world is just a little bit removed.鈥澛� 聽 聽
As for the most senior twin featured in this story; after more than 96 years of sharing everything, Grace had to go through the pain of losing Allan when he passed away in March. But right to the end their connection was evident, even as she was living in Outlook and he in Nanaimo, BC. Grace鈥檚 daughter, Debbie Redden said, 鈥淲hen he was failing mom would say that Allan鈥檚 not having a very good today or he didn鈥檛 have a good night, and when I鈥檇 ask how she knew, she would say, 鈥極h, I can feel it鈥�. When we talked to his daughter she鈥檇 tell me he鈥檇 been going through a hard time. Mom just knew something was going on.鈥�
Next month Grace will turn 97 and although she can鈥檛 imagine a birthday without her twin, her family assures her Allan would want her to celebrate. Debbie remarked, 鈥淲hen it comes to birthdays we need to celebrate them all.鈥� There鈥檚 little doubt all these individuals, blessed by the strong connection of family, would agree.
